Time On My Hands 5
by Laura W
Summary: Four months after Voyager's return, somebody gives Kathryn a call. J/C. Sort of. :-


**NOTE:** This is the fifth in a series of short pieces written for the VAMB "Time On My Hands" challenge. They are best read in order. All can be found on my ffn page. And they are NOT, in fact, related to "To Make an End," as I originally thought. I have a different resolution in mind for this saga. Enjoy!

**Time On My Hands 5**

My mother has too much time on her hands.

It's really the only explanation for...well, for everything.

For the new civilian clothes, the new Parrises Squares equipment, the new clarinet.

For the trip to Hawaii for a week, to Paris for a long weekend, to New York to hear the Julliard Youth Symphony play.

For all my favorite foods, from hand-wrapped sushi rolls to pepperoni pizza, prepared to perfection and served on Mom's best china.

She's driving me insane.

I know she's glad to have me home. I understand that. So is Dad. He's more subtle about it, I guess, although the next time I catch him watching me sleep I may have to say something. I'm a grown man. It's just weird.

But Mom...

_Voyager _has been home for 4 months. I've been here in South Carolina with my parents pretty much the whole time, waiting for reassignment. And lately I've been pretending to be asleep in odd places and at odd times, just so she'll leave me alone.

I feel like a terrible person.

I should be happy to be here, right? Happy that I even had a family to come home to. A lot of the Maquis didn't. Captain – _Admiral _– Janeway made sure they were all pardoned and freed, but it was sad watching some of them leave. They didn't really have anywhere to go, and no one to go with if they did. I know some of them went to Dorvan. Philicia did, and Sue Nicoletti went with her. Mike Ayala went, too. Mike's wife died on Tevlik Prime, but his sons survived. That made Mike one of the lucky ones.

Most of them had no one there to meet them when we arrived, and no one to go with when we left.

Commander Chakotay didn't. I heard his sister and her husband tried to get there, but couldn't make it in time. He left with Seven as soon as the debriefings were over. None of us knew what to make of that. Captain – Admiral – Janeway sure didn't. I'll never forget the look on her face that day. I've seen her angry before, and resolved, and sad. But never all at the same time.

Her family was there for her, of course. And my parents were there for me. So was Libby.

Everybody I loved was there. No one had died, no one had moved on, no one had given up on me. I guess that made me one of the _really_ lucky ones.

But now... I'm not so sure.

Because some of the _other_ people I love are far away, for the first time in seven years.

Tom and B'Elanna have settled down in a new house in San Francisco. I was hoping to see them a lot while I wait for reassignment, but they have Miral now. They're pretty busy. And Tom's Dad is around_ constantly_, and I can't help it. I'm still intimidated having an Admiral around when I'm trying to relax with my friends.

The Doc is busy working on hologram rights. Cap – Admiral Janeway is working on getting his mobile emitter back, so maybe I'll see him more often after that.

Commander Tuvok is recovering on Vulcan. I talked to his daughter a week or so ago. He's doing well. Tom's been talking about putting together a Prixin party. Maybe Tuvok will be well enough in a couple of months to join us.

Seven... Well, B'Elanna told me she dropped Chakotay pretty fast and is back at Starfleet HQ working with the team that's studying all the alien tech we incorporated on _Voyager_. I haven't tried to contact her yet. I don't want Libby to get the wrong impression.

Libby comes over now and then, but that's been...strange. We tried to pick up where we left off, but we both changed over the seven years. I appreciate that she never gave up hope that _Voyager _would return. Even Captain... Admiral Janeway's fiancé gave up and got married to someone else. So once again, I'm really lucky that Libby waited for me.

That's me. Lucky Harry.

So why don't I feel lucky? Why don't I feel happier? Why don't I feel anything at all?

Why am I lying in a hammock in the backyard, pretending to be asleep?

Is it really to get away from my mother, or is it something else?

Her voice follows me through the house sometimes. "Have some more ice cream, Harry." "Do you need more reeds for your clarinet, Harry?" "Wasn't Libby wearing a pretty dress today, Harry?"

I'm actually counting down to the first day of school so she'll have her classroom of new eighth-graders to talk at instead of me.

Oh God, I hope she doesn't want to take me in for Show and Tell.

The thought makes me sit up so fast, I almost dump myself out of the hammock.

I realize I can hear her voice from inside the house, but for once she's not talking to me. She must have gotten a comm call. Maybe while she's busy I can sneak in, grab my shoes, and sneak back out. It's the middle of a Wednesday afternoon, but I really need a beer. At Sandrine's. With Tom and B'Elanna and Chakotay and the Captain.

_The Admiral._ Who is probably spending her time off doing something amazing.

Tom and B'Elanna are in San Francisco with a newborn baby.

And nobody knows where Chakotay is.

I feel like everything is just falling apart. Everybody is moving on. I guess I will, too, once Starfleet comes through with my new assignment. I should be excited about that. But mostly I'm just...numb.

I tiptoe through the house. Maybe I'll just take a nap.

And there's Mom's voice, right on cue. "I don't know what's wrong with him. He just seems to want to sleep his days away."

I pause to hear the response. "Well, Mrs. Kim, sleep was a bit of a luxury out there for all of us, especially Harry. He's an outstanding and dedicated officer, and he worked as hard as anyone. I'm sure he's fine. He's just...catching up."

That voice... Oh no. She didn't. She wouldn't!

I dart back and stick my head into Mom and Dad's office. My heart jumps into my throat. "Mom? Are you talking to -"

"Harry," Mom says. "Come talk to Captain Janeway!"

"Admiral," I correct automatically. "Mom, please tell me you didn't call her."

"I've just been so worried about you, and-"

"MOM!"

Admiral Janeway waves her hand on the comm screen. "Harry? It's all right. I don't mind. Would you like to talk for a while? I'm not busy."

I look at the comm screen, and I realize that not only has my Mom called Admiral Janeway, she's called her at home in Indiana. My mother has interrupted an Admiral's leave because she's afraid I'm sleeping too much.

Starfleet is going to send me to Ferenginar for this. I just know it.

Mom gets up from the chair. "Here, Darling," she says. "Talk to your Captain."

"Admiral," I whisper, but Mom has already left the room.

I sit down and face Admiral Janeway for the first time in almost four months. She's laughing. I guess this is a good sign.

"I'm sorry about this, Admiral," I say. "My Mom is just..." I shake my head helplessly. "I don't even know what to say."

She waves a hand at me in dismissal. "No harm done. I'm glad she called." She leans into the viewscreen. "How are you, Harry?"

I shrug. "I'm...bored."

She nods. "Too much time on your hands?"

The realization comes to me as I speak the words. "The counselors warned me about this, but I don't think I took them seriously. I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen. But I don't know what it is."

"What would you like to happen?"

I sigh. "I'd like to be back on _Voyager_. I miss it."

Her smile is wistful. "So do I."

"You do?"

"I don't miss the constant stress or the worry or the danger." She grins. "Or the Borg. But I miss the excitement."

I nod. "Exactly," I say. "There was something new almost every day. Something different. And even if there wasn't, all my friends were there."

Her eyes are suddenly very soft. "We're all still friends, Harry."

"I know. But everything has changed, hasn't it?"

She nods. "Everything always does."

We stare at each other across the comm screens. I realize that maybe she's feeling just as adrift as I am. We're both waiting for...something. "What's going to happen to _Voyager_?" I ask.

She sighs. "I don't know yet. There's talk of refitting her, after the engineers are done studying all the modifications we made over the years."

I lean forward in my chair. "Are they going to send her back out?"

"That's the scuttlebutt I hear." She's trying to look casual and uninterested, but I'm not buying it.

"Under whose command?"

She folds her hands on the desk and looks at me very steadily. "She'd be Chakotay's, if he'll have her."

I frown. "And if they can find him. I know he was on DS9 for a while, then Bajor. Now we've all lost track of him. Even B'Elanna."

She sits very still and says nothing.

And it suddenly hits me. "You know where he is, don't you?"

She hesitates for a second. "Yes."

"Have you talked to him? Is he coming back?"

She closes her eyes quickly, but not before I see the sadness in them. "I haven't talked to him. And I don't know if he's coming back. I honestly don't."

When things were bad on _Voyager_, Chakotay and Tuvok were always the two people you could talk to. Tuvok didn't have a choice about leaving us all behind, but Chakotay did, and some of us could really use his advice right now. I'm suddenly angry at him – on my behalf and the Admiral's both. "Why hasn't anyone heard from him?"

"He needs time, Harry."

"Well, he's got plenty of that, doesn't he? We all do."

I feel her look of disapproval all the way to my toes. "You and I had families to go back to. Chakotay is trying to pick up the pieces of a life that was shattered long before _Voyager_. Be patient with him."

I lean towards her. "_He_ sure wasn't patient. He ran off with Seven like he couldn't get away from _Voyager _fast enough."

She sucks in a sharp breath and draws back from the screen like she's been slapped.

And I just sit there for a second, staring at her.

If _I'm _mad about the way Chakotay left us...what must _she_ be feeling right now?

They were an unusual command team. Some of the older officers on _Voyager_ talked about it now and then. It's normal for a Captain and First Officer to become friends, especially if the First was hand-picked. But Chakotay wasn't hand-picked. She made him her First out of sheer necessity. Which made it that much more unusual how close they became.

They were the best of friends, at least for a while. Some people even speculated that they might be more than that someday, if we ever got back to the Alpha Quadrant. But they seemed to put some distance between them towards the end, and his affair with Seven felt like he was turning his back on the Admiral altogether—even on their friendship. And she just let him go without a word of protest.

Now, watching her try to pull herself together after my stupid comment, I wonder what really happened.

I take a long, deep breath. "I'm sorry, Admiral," I say quietly. "That was way out of line."

She nods, that quick dip of her chin that I remember from _Voyager_. "Accepted."

I suddenly feel like I need to reassure her. "I'm sure that when he's ready, Captain Chakotay will come back from..." My eyes widen as I realize where he must be. "From Dorvan. That's where he is, isn't he? He's with his sister."

She raises an eyebrow at me and almost smiles. "I really couldn't say."

I smile back. This is a game we've all played with her before, sometimes over a comm screen with alien dignitaries watching, sometimes over a pool table at Sandrine's. "I suppose you also couldn't say if there's a subspace relay on Dorvan."

"Hmmm. No. And I also couldn't say that if there _were_ a relay there, it would only be monitored intermittently, given the colonists' preference for isolation."

"So a person might need to be persistent."

"I really couldn't say."

I wonder if she's tried to call him but couldn't get through. Or if maybe he's not taking her calls. The thought leaves me cold all over. Someone needs to talk some sense into him. Maybe not me, but I bet he'd listen to B'Elanna. "I understand, Admiral, and I'll take it under advisement."

She does smile, then. "See that you do." She sits back in her chair. "Would you like me to expedite your reassignment, Harry?"

I think about that for a second. "If _Voyager _goes back out, I'd hate to miss it."

"Granted. But maybe I could find you something more interesting to do while we wait for the decision from HQ. Something temporary, but better than sitting at home."

I nod. "That sounds wonderful, Admiral. Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Harry," she says.

We look at each other for a long moment. This should feel awkward, but it doesn't. I realize that I respect this woman more than I ever thought possible. And I miss her. "I'm glad my Mom called you," I say. "Even if it is a little embarrassing."

She laughs softly. "I think all Moms are embarrassing, in their own way." Her eyes slide sideways. "Even Admirals' Moms," she mutters.

"Really?"

She nods. "For the first month I was here, my Mom kept trying to set me up with an actor she knows."

"You're kidding."

"No. It was horrible."

I grin at her. "An actor, though. Not bad."

She grimaces. "He was much too thin and blond. And at least ten years too old. Not my type at all."

It should probably disturb me to find out that my former commanding officer has a "type." It doesn't. In seven years on _Voyager, _we all found out things about each other that we shouldn't know. "Did you tell your Mom that?"

She shrugs. "Of course. But she just wouldn't stop."

"What did you do?"

"I told her if she was so enamored of him, she should date him herself."

I smile. "And what did _she_ do?"

The Admiral rolls her eyes. "She called in a few favors, got him an audition with the Royal Shakespeare and took him to England for two weeks. He didn't get the part he wanted, but I'm pretty sure _she_ did."

I lean back in my chair and laugh. "Sounds like a lady who knows how to get what she wants. Reminds me of another Janeway I used to know."

She gives me a lopsided but grateful smile and leans into the comm screen again. "You be good to your Mom, Harry. She's the only one you'll ever have."

"Yes, Ma'am," I say. "Take care of yourself, Admiral."

The smile she gives me is wide and happy, and I'm glad to see it. "I am, Harry. Finally." She reaches for the comm switch. "I'll call you in a few days with assignment choices."

"Thank you, Admiral."

"You're most welcome, Lieutenant. Janeway out."

The screen goes dark.

I sit there for a minute, replaying the conversation in my head. She seems...okay. Maybe not dealing with things that much better than the rest of us, but trying. In a way it's good to know she misses _Voyager _as much as we do.

We had something special out there. Something that Starfleet and our families probably can't understand.

We went through a lot together, and that means something. We learned to lean on each other. Not just for survival, but for friendship. And in some cases, love. We were everything to each other for seven long years. You can't just turn those feelings off.

And I don't want to turn them off. But things are going to be different now. Maybe that's why the counselors suggested we take some time off with our families. They told us it was to reconnect with the people we left behind...but maybe they also wanted us to withdraw from each other, even if it was only temporary.

Maybe they knew that some bonds would suffer and maybe even break. But that the strong ones, the ones that really matter, will last.

Tom and B'Elanna and I will always be friends. It'll be different, but we'll always be there for each other.

Seven will reconnect with us when she feels comfortable here on Earth. So will Tuvok,when he's well enough. The Doc will turn up with his mobile emitter soon. Admiral Janeway will make sure of it.

And Captain Chakotay and Admiral Janeway... They'll come back to their friendship eventually. I know it. They just need time.

They've got plenty.

So do I. And it's up to me to figure out how to use it wisely until my assignment comes through.

I get up to go look for Mom. I think I'll take her out for sushi.

-END-

**NOTE:** Yeah, now I'm just messing with you all. :-)

The J/C ending is coming, I swear. I just need to get a few more of the pieces in play and moving in the right direction before my eventual endgame.

*smirk*


End file.
